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John Kavanaugh

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Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #25 on: December 02, 2014, 01:10:49 PM »
Ha ha, pros acting like novice golfers are stupid would be a leading cause of the failure of the game to grow.  Right behind racism, sexism and alcoholism.

Bob_Huntley

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #26 on: December 02, 2014, 01:19:40 PM »
Ha ha, pros acting like novice golfers are stupid would be a leading cause of the failure of the game to grow.  Right behind racism, sexism and alcoholism.

John,

Dan King posted this back in 2009.

Quote
Moderation is essential in all things, madam, but never in my life have I failed to beat a teetotaller.
  --Harry Vardon

 
 

Adrian_Stiff

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #27 on: December 02, 2014, 02:28:59 PM »
Had an email this week from someone at the club who thinks Electric Trollies should be temporarily banned as its too wet and people should be encouraged to carry. In the same email he states.

" The work on repairing the bunkers got off to a great start but seems to have stopped, I expect there is a good reason but it would be jolly helpful to know the reason why"

PGs tee time story is the best and has happened lots to us too...
"anything bout 8.00?"
 Yep we got 7.56
"ooo no thats too early"
A combination of whats good for golf and good for turf.
The Players Club, Cumberwell Park, The Kendleshire, Oake Manor, Dainton Park, Forest Hills, Erlestoke, St Cleres.
www.theplayersgolfclub.com

Mark_Rowlinson

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #28 on: December 02, 2014, 02:31:35 PM »
Before the age of the telephone Roughover Golf Club was the subject of correspondence published under the title, Letters to the Secretary of a Golf Club, by George C Nash. (Chatto and Windus, 1935, London). Most of these letters were originally published in Punch. I commend it to anyone who can lay his hands on a copy - gently amusing if read with a mellow glass of postprandial lubrication.

Bill_McBride

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #29 on: December 02, 2014, 07:26:22 PM »
Before the age of the telephone Roughover Golf Club was the subject of correspondence published under the title, Letters to the Secretary of a Golf Club, by George C Nash. (Chatto and Windus, 1935, London). Most of these letters were originally published in Punch. I commend it to anyone who can lay his hands on a copy - gently amusing if read with a mellow glass of postprandial lubrication.

Mark, I first found this great little book in the reading room in the R&A clubhouse and feared I might be ejected for laughing out loud.   There are actually three volumes.  Some of the letters from the members are hilarious, partly because the young secretary makes attempts at serious replies.   Strongly recommended for anyone who's served on the club's board of directors. 

Dan Kelly

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #30 on: December 03, 2014, 09:36:36 AM »
I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.

You really shouldn't be.

Now that's funny.

My daughter Rose worked several summers in the shop at a local public golf course.

She reports that, whenever a player needed to rent clubs, she would first ask: "Are you right-handed or left-handed?"

Numerous times, the answer was: "I don't know."

Rose's comment: "YIKES!"
« Last Edit: December 03, 2014, 09:40:06 AM by Dan Kelly »
"There's no money in doing less." -- Joe Hancock, 11/25/2010
"Rankings are silly and subjective..." -- Tom Doak, 3/12/2016

Rich Goodale

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #31 on: December 03, 2014, 02:40:44 PM »
I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.

You really shouldn't be.

Now that's funny.

My daughter Rose worked several summers in the shop at a local public golf course.

She reports that, whenever a player needed to rent clubs, she would first ask: "Are you right-handed or left-handed?"

Numerous times, the answer was: "I don't know."

Rose's comment: "YIKES!"

Dan (and Rose)

Real life story from Dornoch, 30 years or so ago:

Customer (Czechoslovakian, handing his rental clubs back to the pro after his first ever game of golf):  "This game is really hard!"

Pro:  "Did you enjoy your game?"

Customer:  "Yes, but the game is too hard!"  Walks out of shop

Pro to Assistant:  "Do you realize that you rented that man a set of right handed woods and left handed irons?"
Life is good.

Any afterlife is unlikely and/or dodgy.

Jean-Paul Parodi

Ed Brzezowski

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #32 on: December 03, 2014, 02:49:04 PM »
Ok it's not golf but it is one of the dumbest things I ever personally witnessed.

Working in a camera store in college when film was still the medium.


Customer" I need some film for my Polaroid

Me ; ok Sir black and white or color?

Customer: that depends, what color does it come in?
We have a pool and a pond, the pond would be good for you.

john_stiles

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #33 on: December 03, 2014, 03:00:52 PM »
The golf course has a few homes along but 3 fairways with no trees between homes and course, but a few trees on the course.  Course is in the southern US where summers are hot, guys drink a little, etc.  


Pro shop :   " Golf Shop, John "

Female caller :   " Club policy is not to pee on the course "

Pro shop :  " Yes, that is correct Mrs. Jones "

Female caller:   " Well,  Archie is peeing over near the tree on the 15th. "

Pro shop :   " How do you know it is Archie ?"

Female caller :  " I can see him from the house through my binoculars "


The 15th is an interior hole,  not adjacent to any homes.

JMEvensky

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #34 on: December 03, 2014, 03:06:52 PM »
The golf course has a few homes along but 3 fairways with no trees between homes and course, but a few trees on the course.  Course is in the southern US where summers are hot, guys drink a little, etc.  


Pro shop :   " Golf Shop, John "

Female caller :   " Club policy is not to pee on the course "

Pro shop :  " Yes, that is correct Mrs. Jones "

Female caller:   " Well,  Archie is peeing over near the tree on the 15th. "

Pro shop :   " How do you know it is Archie ?"

Female caller :  " I can see him from the house through my binoculars "


The 15th is an interior hole,  not adjacent to any homes.

Sad for Archie that she needed binoculars.

David Whitmer

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #35 on: December 03, 2014, 03:31:08 PM »
Not a call I received, but a call I made...

During the winter of 1997-1998, I headed south to work at a golf course in Port St. Lucie, FL. Some time in December, a customer came up to me behind the counter and asked if I had seen the brand new ad running in some state of Florida golf magazine. No, I had not...mainly because management did a terrible job of telling us what ads, deals, etc. were being offered to the public. He pulled out the magazine, showed me the ad, and asked me to call the 1-800 phone number the ad said to call to secure a tee time. I called it, and it was a phone sex hotline.

The sad part is that, when I told my boss, he could not have cared less. Sadly for him, he was sacked later that winter for accepting a large tip when we were a no-tipping facility.

Paul Gray

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #36 on: December 03, 2014, 05:40:54 PM »
Ha ha, pros acting like novice golfers are stupid would be a leading cause of the failure of the game to grow.  Right behind racism, sexism and alcoholism.

I am neither racist nor sexist.

And 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
In the places where golf cuts through pretension and elitism, it thrives and will continue to thrive because the simple virtues of the game and its attendant culture are allowed to be most apparent. - Tim Gavrich

Paul Gray

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT) New
« Reply #37 on: December 03, 2014, 06:12:04 PM »
Not a call but......

Firstly, I'd better set the seen. For those of you from overseas that have played links golf, you know just how windy it can get. So, it's a VERY windy day in the school holidays when I'm maybe 14 years old or so. It's about 10 in the morning and I'm making my way to the golf club for the day and, just as I get near the club, I see my friend desperately trying to pedal some horrendous looking old bicycle straight into a gale along the sea front.  I stop to wait for him for a minute as he struggles to not move backwards and eventually, looking furious, he makes it to where I'm waiting.

Now, I happen to know that he's been doing a bit of work in the Pro Shop and wonder what could have happened for him to be away from the shop and battling the wind on this contraption. Anyway, he explains to me that the guys in the shop were most definitely mistaken because the hardware store two miles away most definitely does not stock tartan paint. Completely unaware that he has been set up, he goes on to explain to me that he doesn't mind running errands but is angry that they've clearly sent him to the wrong place as even when asking for Jock, as instructed, the assistant was quite certain that nobody of that name worked there.

By this point I was simply unable to contain my laughter and explained to him the extend of his stupidity. Now this friend was known to have a temper and, despite being a mere 15 years old, was at least going to attempt to be a tough man about this. Of course, that presents a problem when you're not actually a man and, upon returning to the Pro Shop, his angry complaints were met, for an entire summer, with nothing but delirious laughter. Very occasionally I bump in to him and, to this day, I enquire about tartan paint supplies.

 
« Last Edit: December 08, 2014, 05:20:17 PM by Paul Gray »
In the places where golf cuts through pretension and elitism, it thrives and will continue to thrive because the simple virtues of the game and its attendant culture are allowed to be most apparent. - Tim Gavrich

Roger Wolfe

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Calls received at a private golf club -- let's make some up! (OT)
« Reply #38 on: December 08, 2014, 01:09:31 PM »
"There is too much crab in the crab cake."

"The golf course is in such good shape it's too easy."

"I'd like a bourbon on the rocks and please don't make it too strong."


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