Golf Club Atlas
GolfClubAtlas.com => Golf Course Architecture => Topic started by: Carl Johnson on November 28, 2014, 10:05:09 PM
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You go first.
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What were you imagining?
Instead of calls received, I'm able to contribute two awkward moments:
"No, you may not charge back to your club. We don't have a relationship with it."
"No, you may not use your push cart. We have a caddie program if you wish to walk, or you may take a cart."
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A call that sticks in my memory at a private club in France.
Context : 5 cars on the parking, and only 2 players seen during my visit.
I知 having lunch with two members and the club Secretary. The phone rings, the Secretary walks to take the cordless phone and walks back to the table after saying ｫ please hold the line ｻ. He sits next to us and places the phone on the table, pauses, listens to our conversation, looks disturbed, and then finally picks up the phone. ｫ I知 sorry sir, but that will not be possible today, the course is too busy, sorry ! ｻ
Everyone sat in a momentary silence, enjoyed the scrambled eggs with truffles, and relished the protection from outside invaders.
Any guess where ?
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A call that sticks in my memory at a private club in France.
Context : 5 cars on the parking, and only 2 players seen during my visit.
I知 having lunch with two members and the club Secretary. The phone rings, the Secretary walks to take the cordless phone and walks back to the table after saying ｫ please hold the line ｻ. He sits next to us and places the phone on the table, pauses, listens to our conversation, looks disturbed, and then finally picks up the phone. ｫ I知 sorry sir, but that will not be possible today, the course is too busy, sorry ! ｻ
Everyone sat in a momentary silence, enjoyed the scrambled eggs with truffles, and relished the protection from outside invaders.
Any guess where ?
Stuart I appreciate the honesty in the post. One of the advantages of an exclusive private club must be the "protection from outside invaders." I think for those who live a public life the ability to retreat from that public persona is priceless. That being said for most people I think the allure of an exclusive private club is a general sense of satisfaction knowing they have something others want but can't have. The post also touches on the desire of those outsiders who want to be part of the club. I'm sure the club in question has a great course (plural most likely) but the gates preventing one from entering only increase the desire for most to see it. The unfortunate cycle perpetuates itself.
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A call that sticks in my memory at a private club in France.
Context : 5 cars on the parking, and only 2 players seen during my visit.
I知 having lunch with two members and the club Secretary. The phone rings, the Secretary walks to take the cordless phone and walks back to the table after saying ｫ please hold the line ｻ. He sits next to us and places the phone on the table, pauses, listens to our conversation, looks disturbed, and then finally picks up the phone. ｫ I知 sorry sir, but that will not be possible today, the course is too busy, sorry ! ｻ
Everyone sat in a momentary silence, enjoyed the scrambled eggs with truffles, and relished the protection from outside invaders.
Any guess where ?
Must be Morfontaine surely? Vidauban never gets that busy!
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On a nice winter day...
Member: Are there any caddies available?
Stafft: No we are all out.
Member: Ok I'll be right over then.
True story
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On a nice winter day...
Member: Are there any caddies available?
Stafft: No we are all out.
Member: Ok I'll be right over then.
True story
A vindictive caddie master would have summoned some urchin from home and surprised the member upon arrival.
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From personal experience:
Member: "What's the weather like today?" (this member lived 5 minutes from the club)
Me: It's really humid out and at least 95 degrees.
Member: OK, we'll be right over.
Not a phone call but still pretty funny. The head pro and I were watching a member and his ex-wife playing down the first fairway, after I had gotten their bags and cart set up. Head pro had just come back from giving a lesson.
Head pro: Is that Mr. ____ and Mrs. ___?
Me: Yes
Head pro: Did you charge them for the carts separately?
Me: No, he asked me to put the full cart charge on his account.
Long pause...
Head pro: I think somebody is still getting some p***y.
An invaluable lesson for me at age 19.
Let me see if I can jog my memory a little more.
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What were you imagining?
Calls, or awkward moments, are all just fine -- good stories. Or, if you want to make one up, apocryphal or plausibly so, that would be o.k., too. Great responses so far.
Instead of calls received, I'm able to contribute two awkward moments:
"No, you may not charge back to your club. We don't have a relationship with it."
"No, you may not use your push cart. We have a caddie program if you wish to walk, or you may take a cart."
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On a nice winter day...
Member: Are there any caddies available?
Stafft: No we are all out.
Member: Ok I'll be right over then.
True story
very common.
usually able to recycle the worst one possible by the time he arrives though
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"How come you don't post your initiation fees and annual dues on your website?" 8)
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A buddy of mine used to be an assistant pro and would get this call fairly regularly from members who were either indecisive or simply prone to haggling. Even when it was their idea, they were unwilling to accept the first thing offered to them:
Pro: Good afternoon, Mr. ______.
Caller: Hello. I was hoping to get out on the course tomorrow morning, maybe at 9:30?
Pro: I can get you out right at 9:30.
Caller: Do you have anything earlier?
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A buddy of mine used to be an assistant pro and would get this call fairly regularly from members who were either indecisive or simply prone to haggling. Even when it was their idea, they were unwilling to accept the first thing offered to them:
Pro: Good afternoon, Mr. ______.
Caller: Hello. I was hoping to get out on the course tomorrow morning, maybe at 9:30?
Pro: I can get you out right at 9:30.
Caller: Do you have anything earlier?
This is so familiar. Typically:
Caller: Have you got anything around 10:15?
Pro: Yep, 10:18.
Caller: Anything earlier?
Pro: Well, 10:10 is also available.
Call: No, no, that's too early.
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This one happened a few weeks ago:
caller: Is there a frost delay?
Me: Yes, we will update at 9.
caller: Why do you have a frost delay? There's no frost in my yard.
Me: There's no frost on the grass in your yard?
caller: I don't have grass in my yard.
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This one happened a few weeks ago:
caller: Is there a frost delay?
Me: Yes, we will update at 9.
caller: Why do you have a frost delay? There's no frost in my yard.
Me: There's no frost on the grass in your yard?
caller: I don't have grass in my yard.
Caller: Why do we have a frost delay?
Me: because there's frost on the greens-but it's warming up quickly and the greens should be playable very shortly
Caller:That's impossible the puddle in my driveway's not frozen
Me: I suggest playing in your driveway
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I once answered the phone in the pro shop, and the conversation went like this:
Me: "Good afternoon, Pro Shop, David speaking."
Mrs. Smith: " Hi David, Jane Smith speaking. What is the chef's special tonight in the dining room?"
Me: "I'm not sure, Mrs. Smith. Would you like me to connect you to the dining room?"
Mrs. Smith: "No, that's okay. I'll call them...I know the number."
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
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Many years ago, I picked up the phone during a Monday outing, and a resident whose backyard looked out on the 4th tee was on the line. My boss heard this:
"Good afternoon, Pro Shop, David speaking. ( Pause) Hi Mr. Sauer. (Pause) There's a guy peeing on your flowers? (Long Pause) Well, certainly I can come out, but I doubt I can get him to stop. I'm sure he'll be finished by the time I reach the 4th tee."
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
I never thought any members were stupid. But like everyone, myself included, they sure said or asked stupid things every now and then.
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
That's why I despise talking on the phone. No good can come of it.
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
I never thought any members were stupid. But like everyone, myself included, they sure said or asked stupid things every now and then.
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I know plenty of stupid members. I once asked an assistant at the Bandon Resort how to get to Pacific Trails. He threw his hands in the air and told me he couldn't help me because they don't have a course by that name. I had to go outside and ask a stranger. Yea I was stupid but sometimes you just got to help a guy out.
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True story.
I was working as an assistant at a golf course in Friendswood, just south of Houston. We had had a lot of rain and there were crop dusters in the area spraying for mosquitoes. I get a call in the pro shop that they are going to stop flying over the course because somebody was throwing golf balls at one of the planes. Some kid in a blue shirt. Pro says to go check it out.
We were having a junior tournament, and my younger brother happened to be playing. So I think it will be a good time to swing by and check him out as well. I catch up with him, and he's wearing a blue shirt. (You're probably way ahead of me at this point) I think "this can't be". So we trade the usual small talk and then I drop the line about somebody throwing golf balls at the crop duster. "Yeah, that was me" he says. I can't say on this forum some of the words I used with him.
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
You really shouldn't be.
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
You really shouldn't be.
Now that's funny.
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
You really shouldn't be.
+1
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Ha ha, pros acting like novice golfers are stupid would be a leading cause of the failure of the game to grow. Right behind racism, sexism and alcoholism.
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Ha ha, pros acting like novice golfers are stupid would be a leading cause of the failure of the game to grow. Right behind racism, sexism and alcoholism.
John,
Dan King posted this back in 2009.
Quote
Moderation is essential in all things, madam, but never in my life have I failed to beat a teetotaller.
--Harry Vardon
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Had an email this week from someone at the club who thinks Electric Trollies should be temporarily banned as its too wet and people should be encouraged to carry. In the same email he states.
" The work on repairing the bunkers got off to a great start but seems to have stopped, I expect there is a good reason but it would be jolly helpful to know the reason why"
PGs tee time story is the best and has happened lots to us too...
"anything bout 8.00?"
Yep we got 7.56
"ooo no thats too early"
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Before the age of the telephone Roughover Golf Club was the subject of correspondence published under the title, Letters to the Secretary of a Golf Club, by George C Nash. (Chatto and Windus, 1935, London). Most of these letters were originally published in Punch. I commend it to anyone who can lay his hands on a copy - gently amusing if read with a mellow glass of postprandial lubrication.
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Before the age of the telephone Roughover Golf Club was the subject of correspondence published under the title, Letters to the Secretary of a Golf Club, by George C Nash. (Chatto and Windus, 1935, London). Most of these letters were originally published in Punch. I commend it to anyone who can lay his hands on a copy - gently amusing if read with a mellow glass of postprandial lubrication.
Mark, I first found this great little book in the reading room in the R&A clubhouse and feared I might be ejected for laughing out loud. There are actually three volumes. Some of the letters from the members are hilarious, partly because the young secretary makes attempts at serious replies. Strongly recommended for anyone who's served on the club's board of directors.
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
You really shouldn't be.
Now that's funny.
My daughter Rose worked several summers in the shop at a local public golf course.
She reports that, whenever a player needed to rent clubs, she would first ask: "Are you right-handed or left-handed?"
Numerous times, the answer was: "I don't know."
Rose's comment: "YIKES!"
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I'm always amazed when I'm the one golfing and the guy working behind the counter thinks I must be stupid.
You really shouldn't be.
Now that's funny.
My daughter Rose worked several summers in the shop at a local public golf course.
She reports that, whenever a player needed to rent clubs, she would first ask: "Are you right-handed or left-handed?"
Numerous times, the answer was: "I don't know."
Rose's comment: "YIKES!"
Dan (and Rose)
Real life story from Dornoch, 30 years or so ago:
Customer (Czechoslovakian, handing his rental clubs back to the pro after his first ever game of golf): "This game is really hard!"
Pro: "Did you enjoy your game?"
Customer: "Yes, but the game is too hard!" Walks out of shop
Pro to Assistant: "Do you realize that you rented that man a set of right handed woods and left handed irons?"
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Ok it's not golf but it is one of the dumbest things I ever personally witnessed.
Working in a camera store in college when film was still the medium.
Customer" I need some film for my Polaroid
Me ; ok Sir black and white or color?
Customer: that depends, what color does it come in?
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The golf course has a few homes along but 3 fairways with no trees between homes and course, but a few trees on the course. Course is in the southern US where summers are hot, guys drink a little, etc.
Pro shop : " Golf Shop, John "
Female caller : " Club policy is not to pee on the course "
Pro shop : " Yes, that is correct Mrs. Jones "
Female caller: " Well, Archie is peeing over near the tree on the 15th. "
Pro shop : " How do you know it is Archie ?"
Female caller : " I can see him from the house through my binoculars "
The 15th is an interior hole, not adjacent to any homes.
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The golf course has a few homes along but 3 fairways with no trees between homes and course, but a few trees on the course. Course is in the southern US where summers are hot, guys drink a little, etc.
Pro shop : " Golf Shop, John "
Female caller : " Club policy is not to pee on the course "
Pro shop : " Yes, that is correct Mrs. Jones "
Female caller: " Well, Archie is peeing over near the tree on the 15th. "
Pro shop : " How do you know it is Archie ?"
Female caller : " I can see him from the house through my binoculars "
The 15th is an interior hole, not adjacent to any homes.
Sad for Archie that she needed binoculars.
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Not a call I received, but a call I made...
During the winter of 1997-1998, I headed south to work at a golf course in Port St. Lucie, FL. Some time in December, a customer came up to me behind the counter and asked if I had seen the brand new ad running in some state of Florida golf magazine. No, I had not...mainly because management did a terrible job of telling us what ads, deals, etc. were being offered to the public. He pulled out the magazine, showed me the ad, and asked me to call the 1-800 phone number the ad said to call to secure a tee time. I called it, and it was a phone sex hotline.
The sad part is that, when I told my boss, he could not have cared less. Sadly for him, he was sacked later that winter for accepting a large tip when we were a no-tipping facility.
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Ha ha, pros acting like novice golfers are stupid would be a leading cause of the failure of the game to grow. Right behind racism, sexism and alcoholism.
I am neither racist nor sexist.
And 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
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Not a call but......
Firstly, I'd better set the seen. For those of you from overseas that have played links golf, you know just how windy it can get. So, it's a VERY windy day in the school holidays when I'm maybe 14 years old or so. It's about 10 in the morning and I'm making my way to the golf club for the day and, just as I get near the club, I see my friend desperately trying to pedal some horrendous looking old bicycle straight into a gale along the sea front. I stop to wait for him for a minute as he struggles to not move backwards and eventually, looking furious, he makes it to where I'm waiting.
Now, I happen to know that he's been doing a bit of work in the Pro Shop and wonder what could have happened for him to be away from the shop and battling the wind on this contraption. Anyway, he explains to me that the guys in the shop were most definitely mistaken because the hardware store two miles away most definitely does not stock tartan paint. Completely unaware that he has been set up, he goes on to explain to me that he doesn't mind running errands but is angry that they've clearly sent him to the wrong place as even when asking for Jock, as instructed, the assistant was quite certain that nobody of that name worked there.
By this point I was simply unable to contain my laughter and explained to him the extend of his stupidity. Now this friend was known to have a temper and, despite being a mere 15 years old, was at least going to attempt to be a tough man about this. Of course, that presents a problem when you're not actually a man and, upon returning to the Pro Shop, his angry complaints were met, for an entire summer, with nothing but delirious laughter. Very occasionally I bump in to him and, to this day, I enquire about tartan paint supplies.
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"There is too much crab in the crab cake."
"The golf course is in such good shape it's too easy."
"I'd like a bourbon on the rocks and please don't make it too strong."